Ghosts
It’s eight in the morning and I’m waking up in a bed that’s not mine. It’s hot and there’s a fan but it does nothing to curb the warmth and all I can think is, now it’s time to go. I’m turning, slowly, because who the Hell is next to me and where the Hell am I? And then I’m remembering where I am, hazily, half-realized in a drunken cloud of “what happened’s?” and “bad ideas” but the girl next to me, she’s pretty, kind of like a victory. At least there’s that, and she’s still asleep which is good because I’m thinking now it’s time to slip away but the longer I wait I’m remembering more of the night and maybe this was a good thing? But it’s still too crazy and I’m not thinking straight and the heat is building because I’m getting nervous now, gambling my time. Is it going to be weird if she wakes and I’m still here? That’s something, something I’m not too keen on finding out, but she’s pretty and her back is smooth and her skin is tan and I’m wanting to fall asleep in the shadows of her shoulder blades, saying that last night, “You’re hot. I want to sleep in your shadows.” Like, what does that even mean? It worked, it’s working, that and the whiskey, probably, maybe, just the whiskey at the least, so maybe I keep that one in my back pocket. But I’m having to go now, having to get out, because the hangover is full grip and all I want is a bed, a different bed, my bed, any bed but this one. Putting on my shoes and grabbing my shit, it’s scattered on the floor – keys, wallet, watch – quiet as I can be, hopeful to avoid a situation, and then I’m gone. Out the door, into the sun, bright as all Hell. I can’t get these glasses on quick enough, can’t get to my car fast enough. Did I give her my number? She won’t care, will she? Do you? No, I’m thinking. What do I care? God, I can’t remember anything. But my car, I remember that, putting the sunshade up. Three thirty in the morning making sure that my dashboard stays fresh. She said something about that, I don’t know, I can’t remember. But it wasn’t important. That night, last night. What was that? Discovering things you didn’t know you were capable of, the terrible things, the things that feel too good.
