The Things We Aren’t So Sure
Three years had passed before Joel had heard from Callie again. It was close to midnight and was sitting at his computer when a sound like a bell came through his speakers. It was an email from Callie:
Joel,
How are you? Been a while, huh? I’m in town for a week or so. We should get coffee. What do you think?
-Cal
Joel sat staring at the screen for several minutes. They hadn’t spoken for so long and yet his brain was already working toward finding its hidden meaning. The ice in his whiskey cracked under the light of his desk lamp, stringing Joel out of his focus. His palms were damp and his heartbeat quick. He put his hands to the keys and started to type.
Cal,
Wow. Hey. Kind of surprised to hear from you. Yeah, coffee sounds good. Let’s do that. I’m free the next couple days. Just let me know what’s good for you. Talk to you soon.
-Joel
He clicked “send” before he could change his mind, approving his decision by finishing off his drink with a wince. He thought about Callie, about their relationship and what, or lack thereof. They had known each other for a year before they stopped talking. He always had a thing for her, a sort of unrequited affection, though in her case it was more of a situational, unpermitted compassion. She shared similar feelings, sure, but she was, at the time, spoken for and he a man that can only take denial for so long.
Joel sat there for a moment and let his thoughts take over. There was a knock on his door followed by another bell sound. He looked toward the computer screen. It was another message from Callie. That was fast, he thought. There was a second knock and then a voice. “Joel. You awake?”
“Come on in, Deb.”
Deb opened the door. She was his roommate. She had short hair and brown eyes, kind of Italian but not really. She was pretty. They had known each other for a few years, met in college and hit it off well enough that they now share a place. She walked into his room and sat on the bed. “Still awake, huh?” she asked.
“Yeah. Cal emailed me.”
“Who?” She sat there cross-legged.
“Callie.”
“Oh. Wow. Why?”
“I don’t know, but I think we’re getting coffee.”
“Alright. That seems like a good idea.” He could tolerate her sarcasm.
“I think so. It’s been a while now anyway.” Joel spun back around to face his computer. He clicked the new message on the screen and it opened.
“That from her?” Deb asked.
“Yeah. We’re going tomorrow apparently.”
“Perfect. And, just so we’re clear, you’re meeting because…?”
“Because she asked. I don’t know. It should be fine.”
“Let’s hope so.”
“I’m sorry but did you need something?” he asked, spinning back toward her.
“Are you going to Dan’s thing tomorrow night?”
“Dan’s thing?”
“His party. For his birthday.”
“Oh, shit. That is tomorrow, isn’t it?”
“Yeah. Are you going to go?”
“I planned on it. It’s just at his apartment, right?” He was back to facing the computer again. “I don’t know when I’ll be there if that’s what you’re wondering.”
“Because of Callie now?”
“Well, yeah. I don’t know how long we’re going to be getting coffee.”
“Oh, geez,” Deb stood up and moved toward the door. “Hey, don’t -” she paused for a moment and leaned on the wall. “Just keep your head about you. Don’t get your hopes up, huh?”
Joel took a slight offense to this. Did she think he couldn’t handle his shit? As if the past three years of practicing a complete emotional detachment from Cal would come unraveled at the first sight? She has no faith in me, he thought. But he knew better. He knew it wouldn’t be a problem. It was just coffee after all. Fixed to the screen he said, “I’ll let you know about Dan’s.”
“Okay. Sleep sweet.” Deb walked out, closing the door behind her.
Joel sat there for a moment more, staring at the screen, at the words on the screen. They seemed to bleed together. Small characters of black mixing with the others, forming large pools of electronic ink on the screen. He imagined immersing himself in them, in the black, these words that, even now, already, were taking their hold on him. Deb said keep your head about you, man. He saw himself swimming in the hopes, the possibilities tomorrow was going to bring. But he was cautious. He had to be. Joel snapped out of his daze and shook the glass that once held a drink. It was a little more than small cubes of ice now. He thought about refilling it, if only to help him fall asleep. This night, however, he decided against it.
Clicking the desk light off, Joel shut down his computer and went into the bathroom. One of the light bulbs was out above his mirror and had been dead for some time. He brushed his teeth and washed his face, avoiding the chore taking a shower brought on. It was two in the morning now, the typical time that Joel would usually pass out. He got into bed. He thought about Callie again, about what might happen once they met. Was she going to call him? Was he supposed to call her? Details they hadn’t decided. It would be fine, he thought. Someone will call someone. We’ll talk tomorrow, have coffee, and have a fine time. As he fell into a dream he could hear the sound of a siren fading in the distance. A dog barked and then there was a bang and then there was Joel, unmoving, locked in a reverie.
