February 2012
2 posts
11 tags
I found you in the tide, soaked to the bone, wet and cold. I took you by the arm and said, what are you doing here? You said not a word, just looked up, a piece of the sky trapped in your eyes. We need to leave, I said. You’ll freeze to death. I don’t know what I’m doing here, you said. Your skin was soft, your voice was smooth. I loved you from that instant, but I didn’t...
10 tags
What is and what will never be...
I’ve not written a single word in over a month. What is that?! So, you know what, fuck it. Let’s get real. This is how it is. If I can’t write one piece of fiction, then maybe there’s something wrong with me. So, like I said, let’s get real. And this is how it is:
I’m so fucked, and have been fucked, for far too long ( I should preface all of this with a...
January 2012
5 posts
9 tags
Brothers (Pt. I)
Brother pulled his coat from the down stairs closet and filled the spot it once took with a sweater our grandmother made him the previous winter. “You’re not going to wear that one today?” our mother asked, standing in the hallway.
“Not today,” he said, pulling the sleeves of the coat down to his wrists. “It’s not quite cold enough.” It was heavy, made of wool, with a argyle-like pattern on one...
“We all have the potential to fall in love a thousand times in our lifetime. It’s...”
– Chuck Klosterman (via ohbirrd)
1 tag
Issue(s) Kickstarter Page →
This is a big deal for me. It’s a comedic web-series I created with some amazing people. Go there and I will give you loving like you’ve never known.
These blogs have become less fiction and more real life. I’m hoping that you secretly read these. I imagine you finding these posts while you’re looking for something to remind you of us. There is no secret to this. Everybody sees it. But I’m hoping you find/will find this one day and see that I never stopped loving you. I’m hoping for more than I can imagine. I’m...
December 2011
8 posts
1 tag
Dream
So we’re in a place that seems very similar to Las Vegas but it looks more futuristic, the lights are brighter, and it’s right at the edge of the ocean. I’m walking along the shore, on a boardwalk, and there’s a long fence with propaganda like posters with various quotes (obviously made up). They say things like, “Tomorrow is the Now! –Kearney Williams” and, “These are the fights where victors...
8 tags
What we do on the other side…
You get those dreams?
What dreams?
The ones where you’re dying.
Yeah. Everyone gets those.
I guess. I’ve been getting them.
So?
So, I’ve never really gotten them before.
That’s weird.
Yeah. I’ve asked a couple people the same question.
And?
Pretty much they all say the same thing you said.
That everyone gets them?
Yeah.
Told you.
…
…
…
So…I feel like there’s part of this you’re not telling me.
I...
If you actually read these things then maybe you can have say it in all. Maybe this is a test. I don’t know. I don’t care. I wake up every morning wondering what it would be like to take my father’s gun and put it in my mouth and pull the trigger. This isn’t a joke. I’m deadly serious. Okay, maybe that last sentence was a joke, but seriously, I’m out. I care so...
1 tag
All I want for Christmas is for you to not hate me anymore.
7 tags
Untitled
He functions like a machine, cold and autonomous, remiss and lacking a feeling or thought. In the night when she sleeps he wanders the streets in search of something, of anything, to remind him of what it once was like to care. Crows and badgers and rats abound. The light shifts as he passes beneath it, wary to shine upon his disheveled face. The ghosts that follow stay at a distance....
4 tags
Bleep bloop blop blorp
Wanna see me tap dance?
You don’t know how to tap dance.
What do you mean I don’t know how to tap dance?
I mean you’re full of shit. You can’t tap dance.
What do you call this then?
…
Tap-tuh-tap-tap-too-tuh-tap-tap.
Seriously?
Tap-tap-tip-top-tap-too-tuh-tap-tap.
You’re not even-
Tap-tap-tip-tuh-tap-too-tip-tuh-tap.
You’re just wagging your legs and saying “tap-tap”!!
Pretty good,...
5 tags
“supersonic woman of you” (revisited, circa...
It is a Saturday afternoon and the sun is bright which is good because the majority of the day would be spent outside with people and friends and everything else that makes one day stand out from the others. I know a girl, a particular girl, and she is cute and close to me, this girl, and she is special and unique. I watch her this morning, secretly because I am reading a book and sitting on the...
The thoughts of youth are long, long thoughts...:... →
adrianmaude:
Heading down now to Moonshine Creek Where the air is warm and the water’s sweet No one down there to bother me I can clear my head and rest my feet Heading down now to Moonshine Creek
Laying down beside Moonshine Creek It’s like the whole damn world’s got it out for me And weighs so much I can…
If this is your writing then hot damn, you all need to know: this mother fucker...
November 2011
9 posts
1 tag
<Omitted>
I didn’t last more than two days before I tried talking to you. The first day, the hardest day, I walked around in a haze. I turned my phone off, I stayed off computers, I shut down my brain. I was not there.
But then again I haven’t really been there. Hesitant to immerse myself in the thing we had, I held back. Months had gone by before we even said a...
4 tags
Lists
What I am doing currently:
-Drinking whiskey
-Not sleeping
-Not eating
-Regretting
What I was doing:
-Drinking beer
-Wondering
-Avoiding
-Regretting
What I should be doing:
-Changing
-Writing
-Fixing
-Not drinking whiskey
What I wish I could do:
-Impress
-Make you proud
-Laugh
-Smile
What I will be doing:
-Changing
-Fixing
-Wondering
-Drinking whiskey
-Thinking of you
...
I need to figure my shit out. Right my wrongs. No fiction here. Just the truth.
11 tags
Letters
To whom it only concerns,
I did not write you today. I did, but you didn’t write back and, admittedly, I tried with all of me to not write you. I did all I could: I drank, I drove, I played, I talked, I drank, I stopped, I slept. I did it all. Yet, still, I couldn’t stay away from writing you. It was only a few words. Nothing drastic. Nothing life-changing. Nothing important. The green lines...
8 tags
For What It’s Worth
For what it’s worth I didn’t mean the things I said. It’s imperative that you know this. Maybe there’s something to be said about the fact that I have to say, “I didn’t mean the things I said”. If I’ve said it before (and God knows I’ve said it before) does it still hold the same weight? If I go around doing the same things over and over do they lose their meaning after time? For what it’s worth I...
15 tags
Maybe
They’re saying this and that, people are coming through, people I don’t quite know but I’ve seen them before. I’ll spy them out and sometimes there’s some girls, these girls, the ones maybe I can talk to. I never have the drive, I’ll never conjure up the balls to say something. And maybe it’s because I don’t have that kind of game, or maybe I don’t have that swagger, or maybe I just don’t have...
6 tags
6 tags
Untitled (Part VI)
31.
What are we trying to be? I don’t know anymore. Look at us now, different than before- closer, if only a little. A little older, maybe a little smarter (though that’s debatable considering our immediate situation). We are certainly more weathered, worn and exhausted, tried and reluctant, the product of our own back-handed actions. We are the enemies of complacency. We are the band aid on the...
6 tags
Untitled (Part V)
26.
I am not a strong man. I am weak-willed and heavy-hearted with a mind that runs at Olympic levels. I am witty and generous and kind like my father. I am loving and creative and compassionate like my mother. I am a product of parents far too gracious, the epitome of a child raised to near perfection from parents too young and too inexperienced to have a clue what they were doing. They did good...
October 2011
5 posts
7 tags
Untitled (Part IV)
21.
This is how I think the rest of the night will shake out: we’ll walk back down the pier towards our cars, towards the end of our evening. I’ll turn to her and say something like, Well, I guess this is it then, huh? Maybe she’ll say that it doesn’t have to be. Maybe she’ll suggest we go back to my place, watch a movie, eat ice cream. Something like that. She will say, Yeah, I had fun. Let’s do...
6 tags
Untitled (Part III)
16.
I do this thing sometimes where I think, and then I think too much, and then I make a big to-do about nothing. Then everything gets fucked up real good and for no reason. Some people call that being too caring; some people call it being too analytical. My moonbeam, she says it’s a product past relationships and my own insecurities. I’m fairly certain it’s just called being an idiot.
17.
We...
6 tags
Untitled (Part II)
8.
It’s at this point that I’m wondering what we’re even doing here together. Maybe she’s thinking the same. Maybe she’s thinking, well, I suppose this is fun, but what am I doing here with him. I don’t know for sure. Long ago I stopped believing I knew what other people were thinking. I stopped assuming I knew exactly how she felt.
9.
“Let’s play a game.”
“What kind of game?”
“It’s called the...
7 tags
Untitled (Part I)
1.
“This is how it goes, how it is, how it is supposed to be.” She says these words, these things that part of me feels seem wrong, but I nod my head and I smile my smile and I say nothing. I just continues to walk down the street with a thought and a grin.
2.
When the sun is out and the clouds are gone and everything is clear I think about those times, about walking to no place in particular...
September 2011
5 posts
8 tags
Vignettes
Vignettes, you say? That’s a concept…
If it’s dark enough, like maybe if you’re out in the country or someplace like the Midwest, the Milky Way will shine like diamonds across the sky and you’ll wish you could shine just as bright.
My mother kisses my cheek and tucks me in but she doesn’t read me a story. Instead, she says, “Don’t let the bed bugs bite.” I don’t sleep that night. I lay awake in...
6 tags
Everything We Never Remember (Part I)
1.
I stand up straight against the white wall and do my best James Dean impression. “Look this way,” she says. “No, this way.” She moves and motions, hands pointing in this direction and that.
“Like this?”
“That’s good enough. Don’t move.” There’s a flash and a pause. “Okay,” she says, and walks off into the party. I stand there for a moment. My hands are cold and...
6 tags
It Comes And It Goes
It is in my dream, some time ago, when we are meeting in the lobby of a hotel I cannot remember. I am well dressed in a suit, like something out of a James Bond film, sitting in a chair with sunglasses and a brow that is creased, looking about, waiting for something, but nothing in particular. And then I see what I am meant to see, meant to meet: you, walking through a revolving door and in heels....
4 tags
Past, Present, and Future Tense
Before this is all over, you said, before this is all over you’re going to realize that the world doesn’t revolve solely around your pretentious, fucked-up ass, that people’s feelings don’t exist and disappear when it’s convenient for you to care. And once that happens, and this is where you were already in the doorway, arms crossed, prepared to make your final, defining statement, the last thing...
3 tags
This Is Heavy
I am afraid. Of many things. Were do we begin? I am afraid of death. I am absolutely terrified of it, of disappearing before achieving any goal at all. It’s happening all over, I feel, to so many people, people I knew, people I wish I knew, people I feel connected to because I watched them one time, in one game, as they fought their hearts out against someone I wished I knew, at a sporting...
August 2011
10 posts
2 tags
The Things We Aren’t So Sure (Part II)
The next morning came to Joel earlier than he had hoped. He had set an alarm for ten but woke up just before eight. He was not a morning person. Most anyone who knew him was aware of this fact. His blinds were open wide allowing the sun to pour into his room, heating it up to an uncomfortable broil. Joel peeled the sheets off his body and laid there for a moment to allow his skin to breath....
2 tags
Of No Particular Importance
I don’t think of you when you’re not around. Let’s make that clear. I do well to put you out of my mind. I don’t think of you when I wake up in the morning, twisting about, fighting the daylight. I don’t think of you when I’m making breakfast – an egg and English muffin – while it cooks and I pour a cup of coffee, feed the dog, water the plant. When I’m on my computer, or getting ready for work,...
1 tag
the tale of jack (circa 2008, though possibly my...
jack lives a good life. he does. honest. his parents had him early on in their lives. so early that instead of drinking champagne at their wedding they drank apple cider. on jack’s first birthday, one year after they said they didn’t want anything to do with him, jack’s grandparents threw him a luau, a spectacular party with hula dancers and drums and a roast pig, and all the family came over...
That Night
This was bad. Was it bad? It was a bad idea.
No. No, no, no. This was good. This was amazing.
I don’t know. This could be bad.
Well, it’s happened. Regardless of anything, now it’s happened.
I hope this turns out okay.
It’s fine. I liked it. Did you?
Yes. I did. But I don’t know.
I guess, well, we’ll just see what happens.
I guess, yeah, I guess we will.
But, for the record, I think this will be...
Ghosts
It’s eight in the morning and I’m waking up in a bed that’s not mine. It’s hot and there’s a fan but it does nothing to curb the warmth and all I can think is, now it’s time to go. I’m turning, slowly, because who the Hell is next to me and where the Hell am I? And then I’m remembering where I am, hazily, half-realized in a drunken cloud of “what happened’s?” and “bad ideas” but the girl next to...
5 tags
1 tag
Five
In five years I will be thirty years old, and this is me talking now, the real me: Boddy, Bodes, Bodom, Kevin, Charles, that guy, the guy, the one that drinks and dances and sings and, wait, isn’t he the asshole that ruined that one thing that one time, no, but he was in that one other thing with that guy, those guys, what’s their name - whatever and whomever I am to you, the one...
2 tags
The Things We Aren't So Sure
Three years had passed before Joel had heard from Callie again. It was close to midnight and was sitting at his computer when a sound like a bell came through his speakers. It was an email from Callie:
Joel,
How are you? Been a while, huh? I’m in town for a week or so. We should get coffee. What do you think?
-Cal
Joel sat staring at the screen for several minutes. They hadn’t spoken for so long...
July 2011
6 posts
6 tags
Where We Go (VIII)
Like earlier with Jeffrey I finished my beer faster than expected. This was possibly a bad sign. The bartender noticed my glass and came over.
“Another one?” She asked. I hesitated. “Maybe something different?”
“I don’t know. Whiskey, maybe?” I don’t know why I said that. I don’t drink whiskey.
She said, “What kind?”
“Honestly, I’m a beer guy. My experiences with hard...
4 tags
Where We Go (Part VII)
I got into my car and drove down the street to Winger’s. The sun was still out, though only barely, and I admired the color it gave the sky. It reminded me of old photographs we took together on the back roads by the vineyard. Stop signs held no weight there. I liked it there. I drove for a few minutes and pulled into a parking lot behind the bar. There were several cars but it didn’t...
3 tags
Friend of Mine (Circa 10/2010 - Unfinished)
It was mid December and I had just gotten the hang of being a decent human being. I told this to Jack.
“No. No, you’re not even close,” he said.
“Fuck you. I’m there. Finally. I’m finally there with the rest of you.”
“Ha!” a gurgle, and then he said, “What makes you think the quote, unquote, ‘rest of us’, are there?”
I thought for a moment. He was right. Was he? So I told him my reasoning. “Well,...
2 tags
Driftwood (End)
The two of you watch a movie. It’s “Can’t Hardly Wait”. You really don’t know what made you choose to watch that movie but you like it and both of you agree it’s nothing like real life. A few beers deep and Morgan decides she wants to take shots. You tell her you have to work tomorrow but she’s convincing and, against your better judgment, you submit to her and the whiskey. You only take a couple,...
Driftwood
Morgan says you’re different now. You tell her you don’t see it, but you know she’s right. She’s known you too long now and has seen you go through, in her opinion, too many of these situations. She can read you like a book, like a sad, self-loathing book. But you’re a good guy, through and through. She can see that. That’s why she sticks by your side. Morgan’s a good friend and you think that...
3 tags
Where We Go (Part VI)
The sidewalk was grey, the sky a bright blue, and everything seemed to shine. I walk past various buildings, each with a different smell to greet me: fresh bread, hops, barbeque, the scents of my city. It was so bright and a clear day. I couldn’t get past that. There was a slight breeze on my back. I managed my way out of the downtown area and onto the street that would lead me home.
It...